Jewish Community News

News: April 2008

South Bay widows and widowers come together for fun and companionship
By Laura Rheinheimer

     On Valentine’s day at the Country Gourmet restaurant in Los Altos, couples fill several tables, perhaps enjoying an early sweethearts’ lunch.
     Nearby, a group of seven people sit around a table adorned with flowers and a pink rose for every  person. The group has come to acknowledge Valentine’s Day, but in a different way than other couples. Everyone in this group has sadly lost their sweethearts. 
     “It’s a special day we shared with our spouses,” said group member Bee Shtulman.
     Meet the Widow/Widowers/Singles Group of Silicon Valley, a Jewish group started a year and a half ago when group founder Norma Slavit  searched unsuccessfully for a Jewish group that she felt met the needs of all the widows and widowers in the area.
     While supportive to its members in many ways, the group is not meant to be a traditional support group but rather a social group,  encouraging its members to have fun and move on with life. In addition to the meetings, group members do many things together such as see Cirque de Soleil, weekend trips, and talks and lectures.  Since the members no longer have someone to share holidays, movies and dinners with, they enjoy many of these events together as a group. They not only provide each other with companionship, but that special support of someone who has been through what they have been through. 
     “I have a lot of support on the ‘outside,’” says board member Debbie Matsumura, referring to friends and family who haven’t been through a loss. “But they don’t understand what I’ve been through. This group does.”
     The meetings are organized by a different member each time, and range from games to lectures to coin collection presentations.
     One member, Regina Keenan, made available an out-of-print film about the famous French Dreyfus case for the group to watch and discuss for their March 27 meeting, which was also open to the community.
     Herb Kwart did a presentation on world currency, drawing from his expertise as a professor in the field. He brought in a world-class coin collection for the members to see.
     Although there are other widow and widowers groups, this is the only Jewish one in the South Bay. The group, however,  welcomes people from all faiths.
     Norma Slavit started the group one-and a-half years ago after looking for a support group in the Jewish community and finding nothing. “And so I thought, well maybe it’s time to form a group,” Norma recalls, which prompted her to step forward with her idea.
     When she approached the JCC senior and adult services staff with the idea, they said “Great! We’ll champion the cause.”
     They implored her to write an article about losing her husband, which appeared in the Jewish Community News in September 2006.
     In the article, “Window into a Widow’s World,” Norma described  the void and sense of loss  she felt after losing her husband. She recounted her struggle to cope with everyday life after being with him for 47 years.
     Her article spoke to many widows and widowers who were going through similar experiences.
     “People called me saying ‘What you’re feeling is exactly what I’m feeling,’” she recalls. Norma’s article and plans to form a group quickly amassed a small member base that grew each month as others learned of the group.
     Today, there are nine people on the board and more than 50 listed members. They hold monthly meetings that draw anywhere from 12  to 25 members.
     Presentations help provide a focus to the group, and help the members feel like they are engaged and having fun again.
    “We’re all trying to start a new chapter in our life,” Norma says. “I’ve seen these people come a long way. The common theme I’ve seen is moving on, redefining who you are and where you’re going.” She attributes the group’s success to the strong personal connections made at the meetings and events.
     “Making these connections has helped people move on,” she says.
    “When some of us joined the group, we could hardly smile,” Bee says, adding that board members pride themselves on being open and welcoming to everyone.
      “We mesh together so well,” Norma says. “I don’t think I’ve ever found so many wonderful people in one area.”
    Recently the Widow/Widowers/Singles Group of the Silicon Valley also held a non-traditional Chanukah party—a dinner out at a Chinese restaurant with Hawaiian dancers.
     They had such a good time, in fact, that decided to make a play out of it.
     “Whenever we get together, there are a lot of funny things happening to us,” Amalia explains. “Every time this happens, we say ‘we should write this down.’”
     This led eventually to the birth of a play the group is in the middle of rehearsing. “It came to me one night at three in the morning,” Norma jokes.
      The play is a comedy about a widow who goes on a date she arranged through J-Date. To make sure the guy isn’t a creep, her three best friends tag along “for protection.” The women establish several signals the widow should use if she needs to be rescued by her friends.
     Larry Siders and Bee Shtulman play the two J-daters. In his profile, he describes himself as “a cross between Victor Mature and Cary Grant.” Although his “black wavy hair” turns out to be gray and thinning, Bee is pleasantly surprised to find him an upstanding guy, and doesn’t need to be “rescued” after all.
   It’s a typical comedy of errors, Norma explains, and each signal is misinterpreted. The fork accidentally drops, for example, and the women rush in to save their friend, only to be frantically waved away.
     When asked where it will be performed, Bee exclaims “Broadway!” “Off-Broadway!” says another. “Way off Broadway,” Larry chimes in.
     More important than where it will be performed, the group has a good time with it.